operation harelip BJ is a go
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
