Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
