Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
