I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
