how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
