I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
