And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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