PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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