If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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