I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
