Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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