So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
