does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
