it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
