If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
