i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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