Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
