I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you would pick up someone in the library
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
