i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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