I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
