im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
