cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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