I could make wine with my vomit
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we're making bets on your personal life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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