Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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