How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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