i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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