he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
love makes seman taste better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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