Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
