just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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