It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
