no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize