you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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