she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
