I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
