I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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