Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your cock deserves a montage
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
