Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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