Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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