sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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