He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
