Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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