that's an acceptable place to lick
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
