Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
