remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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