You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
