just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
