In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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