Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
barbara walters just said penis...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
