So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize