Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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