You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
