I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize