the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
