The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
