i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
