No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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