We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
