i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
