I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
