If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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