My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
