when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
