I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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