So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dick has a subreddit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
