Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
