Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
