these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
