I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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