Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize