This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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