I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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