my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So many bounce houses so little time
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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