Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
