she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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