Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
