Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I cockslap morals
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
