you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
