Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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