Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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