Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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