my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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