I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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