i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize