Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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