i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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