We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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