my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
