I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
