is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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